August 25, 2015

今天被叫到香港去BD，昨天飛到深圳，早晨坐地鐵到中環，開完會十二點，下一班飛機到成都的要晚上七點半才起飛。很想在貓貓睡覺前趕回去，就叫了個車去深圳機場。本來以為三點多飛機趕不上了，結果從中環到寶安機場加上出關入關就用了一個半小時，中間車子在高速路上爆胎還耽誤了一刻鐘。到家七點過，貓貓一看見我特別高興，跑過來抱著我緊緊地摟著我的脖子。跑到旁邊去玩了一會兒，又跑過來抱著我的腿喊爸爸。吃完飯貓貓睡了，我躺在床上聽著窗外瓢潑大雨，空氣很涼爽，想起小時候成都下雨的晚上，心想哪怕折騰幸好提前回來了。

有點不知道怎麼教育貓貓跟別的孩子相處。不知道他平時是不是太孤單了，總感覺他哪怕對陌生的小孩子也特別想跟人親近。吃晚飯的時候看見他兩次走過去抱著程程哥哥親一下。可是又不願意把自己的玩具給程程哥哥玩。不知道什麼時候學會的，看見別的小孩子手裡的玩具想要，他就拿一個別的玩具要跟別人換，但是經常不成功他就會哭。他在香港也是，在外邊玩會去抱不認識的小朋友，香港小朋友和家長又比較冷漠，總擔心貓貓心理會受傷害。

August 22, 2015

今天我帶貓貓坐飛機回成都。一路上折騰。在休息室就撒歡了跑，還躺在地毯上轉圈。在飛機上頭一個多小時還好，把椅子放平了拍他睡覺可是不肯睡，然後坐起來自己在那兒玩，嘴裡說個不停，不太聽得懂他講什麼，要不就是唱 wheel on the bus. 最後半個多小時有點fuzzy，可能是鬧覺了使勁哭，拿他有點沒轍。快降落的時候他說，耳朵有點疼。我就拿puff給他吃，可能好點了。下了飛機他一步也不肯走，我一隻手拖著行李一隻手抱著他，手都快斷了。見到奶奶還認識，上了車立刻就睡著了，回到家也不醒。半夜兩點餓醒了，有點懵，不知道自己在哪裡，喂了他一瓶牛奶，他一定要我抱他睡。剛開始的時候時睡時醒的，醒過來就睜著眼看著我，摟著我的脖子一會，又轉過去睡了。來來回回好幾次這樣。貓貓現在真是最可愛的時候，看著他心都快化了

May 10, 2015

媽媽說今天在youtube上找了Twinkle Twinkle Little Star給貓貓放，MTV是王爾德的王子和燕子的故事，貓貓看著畫面聽著音樂居然哭了。後來媽媽給他錄了一段，聽到音樂表情就特別難過，媽媽說，”小王子和小燕子飛走了”，他就開始哇哇大哭，還閉著眼睛搖頭，可憐死了。後來媽媽給他放歌，他一聽到那個開頭就給對著ipad搖手，說byebye，byebye。不願意聽。

May 03, 2015

Adagio Sostenuto — Allegro

I wonder why every portrait of Beethoven depicts him with, or rather, imposes on him, this invariable look of fury, with deeply furrowed brows and eyes staring so intently — are those the very pair of eyes Rilke saw in his Apollo? But every time I listen to his cello sonata I think how these portraits do not do him justice. It gives me goose bumps, NOT by an eruption of triumph euphemism like the beginning of the fourth movement of No.5, but with sheer serenity, such serenity that is all encompassing, and such assurance, with warmth and understanding so close and personal.

Saturday we took Maomao on a trip to a seashore village. It was a gorgeous day outside the window, as the bus made its circles around towards the mountain top. When the bus made another turn, the ocean below sprung into view. You can look into so far in the distance where the clouds dissolved into a veil of mists even though it’s a perfectly sunny sky, and when the ocean held in its blossom such a blueness it became an entity living and breathing, a kind of transparency that was so substantive, so indisputably existing. I pointed out for Maomao a yacht that was cutting across the surface of the ocean with spreading white waves like an intentive stroke of water color that soon dissipated into the fibers of the canvas, and found he fell asleep on my lap, holding on to me with his arms and legs like a baby koala sleeping on a tree trunk. I instinctively stiffened my posture, and looked out of the window again. Silently breathed the vast scenery into me, I encompassed it and internalized it, understood it, and pressed it into Maomao’s mind through my chest where he rested his chin. He will see the vastness of the ocean and sky in his short nap, internalize it and understand it. And in my mind I played the cello sonata, let a shudder washed over me, and thought how Beethoven had miraculously anticipated this moment, when we are together, here.

May 02, 2015

Saturday we took Maomao on a trip. It was a gorgeous day outside the window, as the bus made its circles around towards the mountain top. When the bus made another turn, the oceans below sprung into view. You can look into so far in the distance where the clouds dissolved into a veil of mists even though it’s a perfectly sunny sky, and when the sea held in its blossom such a blueness its became an entity living and breathing, a kind of transparency that is so substantive, so indisputably existing. I pointed out for Maomao a yacht that was cutting across the surface of the ocean with spreading white waves like an intentive stroke of water color that soon dissipated into the fibers of the canvas, and found he fell asleep on my lap, holding on to me with his arms and legs like a baby koala sleeping on a tree trunk. I instinctually stiffened my posture, and looked out of the window again. I silently breathed the scenery into me, encompassed it and internalized it, understood it, and pressed it into Maomao’s mind through my chest where he rested his chin. He will see the vastness of the ocean and sky in his short nap, internalize it and understand it. And in my mind I played Beethoven’s cello sonata, let a shudder washed over me, and thought what a miracle that Beethoven had anticipated this moment, when we are together here. And I also remembered Rilke:

We can go this far, this is ours.
The gods can press down harder upon us.
But that’s gods’ affair.

May 01, 2015

貓貓坐在椅子上吃飯，我把音響打開放梁祝，他突然說，蝴蝶！上次來香港的時候放梁祝給他聽，他看到了CD的封面。很驚訝事隔一月他能記住旋律，and make the association. 貓貓現在已經會說很多話了，一個詞給他重複兩三遍他就能pick up。看到媽媽和我坐在沙發上，他就會擠進來，說”一起坐！” 媽媽說他一邊點頭一邊說，”哦。”的樣子特別嗲。